BOXSEATS

“Oh yeah. Box Seats did Nyan Cat.” So says Box Seats member Ben Lepley, who has been making quite the series of claims lately regarding the ownership of video content on the internet.

“Yeah, and those videos of the babies - those are ours too.” When pressed for specifics, Lepley replied, “All of them. All of the baby videos. Those are ours. The videos — not the babies.”

At the completion of a 72 hour interview with Lepley, in which he credited every video in existence to Box Seats, it was determined that Box Seats had garnered a total of 10.3 trillion views, easily making them the most successful video producers in the history of the medium.

Lepley was careful to give credit where credit was due. When shown the video of a trailer for this summer’s blockbuster hit Men In Black 3, he said, “Oh, of course we didn’t make MIB3. That was Columbia Pictures. But that video you just showed me on your phone? The one of the MIB3 trailer? We made that video.”

After being shown a pirated video of the film Men in Black 3, Lepley replied, “Oh, we made that. The one you saw in theaters? That was made by Columbia Pictures. But we filmed the one that was the video you just showed me one your phone.”

When asked how that was possible, Lepley only offered, “Storyboards.” Then stared at the carpet beneath his feet, his jaw slightly slack. “I want a Sprite,” he then whispered.

Needless to say, congratulations are in order for Box Seats. Their next million videos will be released sometime this afternoon.

While “Anime & Comedy with BOXSEATS.tv” may have not gotten chosen as a panel, we will still be in Artist’s Alley with a table for all your hilarious art/anime needs. Come visit!

Selling 6.3 million copies in its first week, Blizzard’s newest game Diablo 3 found its way into households around the world. One gamer, however, did not purchase the hack and slash, and the Catholic Church has found that feat worthy of sainthood.

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Box Seats was shocked today to hear not only that they were the stars of a Japanese Dating Simulation Game, but also that the game is selling like hot-cakes. Surprise struck again when they attempted to get money from the creators of Kissu x Kissu Box Seats!!! when they were shown a signed release from troupe member Matt Buchholtz. 

According to the game developer, Buchholtz signed away the rights during an autograph session at Pacific Media Expo, during the hustle and bustle. “All I had to do was tell him I wanted the autograph on the line.” said game producer, Ichigo Uzimaki.

The game has been described as a “masterpiece of the genre” placing the protagonist in a new job at Box Seat’s production studios. By choosing different dialog options, fun romantic activities open up, including trips to the arcade, eating thai food, going to the mall, and more.

“In one of the dating scenarios with ‘Benimaru,’ he actually said something I said on a date last night,” said Lepley. “It kind of freaked me out.” Game developers swear that the responses are based off of a revolutionary dialog programming algorithm, and not from listening devices planted in the boys’ apartments. 

Kissu x Kissu Box Seats!!! is Rated M for tentacle rape.

Like much of the smartphone crowd, Matt picked up draw something a week ago. He quickly found his friends through facebook, and quickly began his first rounds. An hour later, Matt checked his phone to find all of his games pending.

In what would later be pinpointed as the event horizon in Matt’s Draw Something breakdown, Matt started twenty random games. Things were simple enough- Funnel, Lady Gaga, Sweden… It all seemed so perfect. After his lunch, Matt went back to work. 

bleep

Matt’s phone sent a push notification, letting him know his turn had arrived for a game.

bleep  bleep

More games were coming in. It was fantastic. But how could he keep them playing? Soon, the perfect storm of average artistic talent and an undying urge to show off coerced Matt into making “intricate” drawings for all that played him. Lion King, RZA, Roadkill. Three star challenges were all he would do.

bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  

They were pouring in now. He had done it! But now he was behind. Forty-six games was a lot to keep up with when drawing like a kindergartner who had been dropped as a baby, let alone the “Van Gough-ish” “masterpieces” that Matt had set his standard to. Rhianna, Backflip, Tugboat, Sweden?

bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  

The first time he saw it, he chalked it up to error. But then again, another repeated word. Why were they coming back? Had he not done the word justice on it’s first go-round? Should he have done better? Well, this time he would cut corners on his drawing, just this once…

bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  

His friends were getting better at the game, now, spending time on their art with their new color packs. Matt could often guess the word just by seeing the jumbled letters, but he felt obliged to watch the drawing through to completion to show that he appreciated their efforts. But there were too many games, and too many repeats.

bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  

The sound of Matt’s mind breaking was silent, but in his head demons cried from the abyss with the faces of dead painters. He had to catch up. His art became minimalist. Floss was a blue line. A church became a red box. No supplementary images were provided. The answers were plain as day, the letters were right there! He needed more time. He began guessing words before paint touched paper. There was no mercy. No understanding. 

This was Draw Something.

Matt is currently residing at The Betty Ford Center. Flowers and Gifts are appreciated. He has had all smart-phone access restricted.

Despite winning multiple “pretty” contests, BOXSEATS.tv member, the luxuriousness of Ben Lepley’s dark locks was questioned today on fashion/style site, youtube.com.  The enigmatic style-trend consultant, xXxMitCosXxX posted the controversial post, “L’s hair suck here. :/”

Sources close to Lepley have let us know that while he is saddened by the post, he respects the input. “He was wearing a hat, and crying into a bottle of Mountain Dew Code Red”, said vegan, David Neale. “But he was watching Cowboy Bebop, so I think that he’s looking towards the future.” Neale, of course referring to the troupe’s plan to make a parody trailer for a live-action Bebop movie this summer. With Lepley so hair-conscious, though, we’ll have to wonder if Lepley will choose to appear onscreen.

xXxMitCosXxX has yet to add further comment on the costuming/makeup of Death-A-Sketch, but everyone at BOXSEATS.tv is anxious to hear. “xXx has liked a lot of videos about hair and design, we just hope that we haven’t lost them completely at this point.”

In a show of true sacrifice, David has decided to only watch Naruto filler for lent, giving up the main anime plotline. While David may not be Catholic, he plans to dedicate his 40 days and 40 nights of filler to those less fortunate. Namely, those suffering from Bleach filler.

For those BOXSEATS fans not familiar with the term “filler,” it refers to episodes of a series that do not have to do with the overall plot. Over recent years, Naruto has struggled to escape the parasitic grip of filler as producers push the series at such a rate that original manga material cannot keep up.

David plans on starting his fast by going back through all recap episodes, then moving on to his personal favorite “Ninja Ostrich” episode (Shippudden 181). Whether he plans on watching Gai Sensei’s scavenger hunt is still unknown, but with 40 days, one can only assume he’ll make it there eventually. 

On Easter Eve, if still sane, David plans on watching the notoriously “crappy” Konoha Sports Festival Special as a way of purging his system of filler. He is truly an inspiration to us all.